Now, after really long time, a very important topic came to my mind. All thanks to my lil one! Well that’s why I say kids teach you the most important aspects of life if you pay enough attention to what they say.
Trust me they say really meaningful stuff in an easy way unlike us adults.. But mostly we just ignore thinking that what they are saying is not relevant.
Let me tell you my topic of today, it’s about “ARGUMENTS” – It’s absolutely OK to argue!
Yes!! We all are very much affiliated to the term argument. Most of us really don’t leave a chance to argue over anything and very few of us don’t argue at all. So, today I chose something to talk about which I have find worth sharing with all parents to be or with those who are already parents to their child/ren.
Now coming to the point-
Argument is good or not good! I can not decide yet! But argument without any heated or angry reaction between each other is good to go. Why Not! One also need to speak his/her mind, share his/her views. But in a peaceful manner.
Generally if we go by the google, the definition of argument is “an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one.”
All I want to discuss about in this post is not necessarily arguments has to be a heated or angry one.
Have you ever realised how does it impacts the children, specially when you are arguing in front of them?! Ok! Let me put it this way, how does it impact children when parents or adults argue destructively infront of the children.
Mind it! They are listening and they listen to everything. Even if you think they are playing or reading their books, their ears are on you all the time(speaking from experience).
Just a few days back, when me and my husband had a difference of opinion, and we were actually having fun while talking about certain thing what we generally do. Suddenly out of nowhere I started speaking continuously trying to convince him my point and then a bit loud. He remained quiet.
While we both were expressing our thoughts suddenly, I looked at my five year boy. He looked confused. I realised something is a bit different. Because we were arguing and in the middle of our peaceful fun arguments I became loud and said leave it you won’t understand! (in an inappropriate manner for him as he has never ever seen either of us talking to each other even loud)
When I saw my child’s expressions were bit unusual and I realised I need to correct it. I continued the discussion with my husband by saying yeah it’s ok if you think like that. And we were smiling. While my eyes were on my child I saw him bit convincing as if what I said now is good!
Honestly, we never fight or argue in such a strong manner as we are very happy persons individually. Though we have difference of opinion in certain things but we never force each other to agree on anything but we don’t mind sharing our thoughts or rather opinions.
Then the little monster of mine came running to me and said why did you talk louder to daddy? Say sorry to him first! I didn’t take a second to realise what just happened and very sportingly I said sorry.
I explained to him that I was talking to daddy. It wasn’t serious. Why did you came running to me with an upset face?! He replied that he thought I was serious and if at all I need to say something I can speak normally. No need to be loud. (Well, he is absolutely right) His statement, gave me a big blow and it taught me for good.
I realised, this is just because he has never seen us being loud to each other or arguing. I would say, mostly our conversation is all about discussing certain things, at the end where I always ask my husband’s opinion. I hardly remember about our fights or arguments. And we have never gone to sleep without talking to each other.
Since that day it got me into thinking like how much important it is to have constructive arguments ! It does have positive impact on the children.
Yes, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong in arguing but the way you are arguing, your speech, your tone matters!That way the child also learns to fight fair. For future, they learn to keep away negative thoughts that should not have any place in an argument.
Remember, A child is always looking at you. The child is absorbing the vibes and then gonna do it the same way, the way he/ she has seen you having verbal spat with others. Constructive arguments has pros and cons.
On that note, some DO’s and Dont’s while arguing with others (infront of your children) –
DO’s (for peaceful arguments)
- It’s good to put up your thoughts in an argument.
- It’s good to give a patient hearing to each other’s thought or opinions.
- It’s good to argue in a peaceful way.
- It’s good to discuss more than argue.
- It’s good to have difference of opinion.
- It’s Ok to not to be on the same page as your partner.
- It’s good to be totally opposite to each other in terms of personality.
- It’s good to come to a point where both agree or disagree.
- Its not ok to argue aggressively.
- It’s not ok to not give a patient hearing to the other person.
- It’s not ok to be loud and destructive.
- It’s not ok to stay silent in an argument.
- It’s not ok to be disrespectful to each other.
- It’s not ok to come to a solution at the end.
- It’s not ok to fight.
- It’s not ok to be rude to each other.
- It’s not ok to literally fight while arguing.
- It’s not ok to not let the opposite side speak.
- It’s not ok to bring each other down.
So, the gist is its always ok to have constructive arguments and share your opinion in a polite way.
So what are you gonna prefer?! Constructive arguments or destructive arguments?!
Constructive arguing parents make Constructive arguing children❤️
Love❤️ & Hugs🤗 Mamma_mita