Children during their growing stage go through lot of emotions. And it’s hard to always understand the reason behind their particular or unhappy behavior. Hence, we call this uncontrolled behavior as tantrums (well that’s what dictionary calls it) but really, it’s not! I am not sure who originated that term & specially for toddlers and babies. While being so small to even understand themselves, it’s hard for them to behave 100 percent as expected even when we adults fail to do so.
Again, its yours and mine expectations based on which we judge the behavior. Remember, expectations can be deceptive and totally flawed.
Definition of tantrums is “An uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child.”
Exactly as defined, it’s uncontrolled, because a lot of things keep coming to a child’s developing mind. Sometimes they find it hard to express it. They are still at their growing stage. Hence when confused and when they feel unloved, they show up this side.
When your child throws tantrums there is always a reason behind it. We adults tend to find it difficult to understand sometimes. But it is the result of something which was inappropriate towards them that has caused anger in them.
Sometimes they can really push you to extreme. But as parents we should try to understand what’s the reason behind such behavior and then address it. Being a parent, sometimes it gets tough on us to deal with our child’s anger/ tantrums. But do we consciously try to find out reason behind it?!Well not always. If we give it a thought, then probably we will come out with a suitable answer for our child’s psychology. That’s what I mean by mindfulness. Staying calm, patient and understanding our child s feelings.
The current lockdown is not making this any better. In current crisis it’s even harder on them emotionally as well as physically because of not going outside frequently, not meeting friends every day, not going to school etc. etc. So, lots of emotional imbalance happens.
How to take care of it? How can we overcome it?
As a parent, first we must come to the terms that it’s normal for toddlers to have tantrums and that they have no control on their anger. Specially, when they find their parents inattentive towards them or when their things are unheard, feelings are not understood and when we fail to have explanation to their questionable mind.
Before I share some helpful tips to handle it, would like to tell you that there is not a single thing which has worked for all. Every child is different and so as their way of expressing anger. So, the only thing that has worked out is keep trying different things. Yes, that’s what parenting is all about😀 Keep Trying!!
Now, coming to the point, here are few things you can try with your babies and toddlers-
- Talk to your child in a calm manner while holding their hands or comforting them.
- Give them some time when they get cranky, grumpy. First, let them settle down on their own.
- Giving options to a child really works. So instead of saying “NO” directly, give them options that are possible and ask them to choose. This helps them in decision making as well as diverts their mind. Incase they don’t choose any of the options given by you, then you choose one for them.
- Please avoid shouting, screaming, and talking rudely as much as you can.
- Please say sorry once you realize it wasn’t a right behavior from your end. Children learn to say sorry when they behave inappropriately. But first, they need to learn that. And you saying sorry for your mistakes helps them learn this in an organic way.
- While talking to your children always make an eye contact.
- Give your child full attention when they most expect it from you.
- If you have something urgent to attend, then take a pause to tell them to excuse you and that you are going to be back in few mins. Always explain instead of brushing it away.
- Shower them with tight hugs and kisses.
- Say I love you to your child as many times as you would like to and daily.
- Let them speak first. When they finish their part, you give them your explanation. Give them a patient hearing.
- Address them when they become calm not when they are at their highest pitch.
- Be realistic, set realistic goals and expectation to work things at both ends.
- Expecting 100 percent out of them will cause more damage and even we adults don’t give our 100 percent to many things.
- Practice some play by own time or introduce quiet time in their daily routine. You will see a huge difference in their behavior over the course of time.
- Practice quiet time for few mins (honestly it hasn’t worked for me yet but never know it can work for you, but I am continuing. Thresholds may vary kid to kid.
- Practice meditation while chanting “Om”, it works 100percent. As the vibration from our sound causes a calming sensation in our mind, increases concentration, helps in anger management.
- Start meditating along with your kids. (preferably from two years old). But it’s never too early to start it. Trust me it works wonderfully. Include it in your daily morning routine or (if too busy) before going to bed.
- Give them some time to do things they love and if it takes your involvement for them to do things, then please do it.
- Do not expect them to obey and listen to you immediately.
- Punishment never works. Rather it lowers their self-esteem and confidence causing a big damage to their personality.
- Don’t set high standards for them (in terms of being respectful to elders, studying, etc.)
- Don’t push them to do so much during this current locked-down.
While we are working from home or on any other important work or talking to a friend over phone call, if your child comes to you and asks you something. What do you do?!Well, if you attend your child every time when the child wants attention, it makes the child feel happy and loved. Also, just in case if you are in middle of something very important, take a pause saying excuse me and speak to your child for a min explaining that you will get back to him/her in few mins. Well then please get back in few mins.
Kids are very particular about time specially when it comes to seeking attention or talking to you.Well nothing becomes okay in a day. So, practice on daily basis. Patience is the key. I understand, sometimes it gets too much on us and honestly on me too, sometimes. Then, trying to be attentive to what they are saying helps. Controlling our mind will also help us to work on it.
Recently, I added to my to do list to deal with such behavior is –
At the very moment of tantrums or moody outburst I give my child a tight hug and asking him to be calm and breathe three times and I do it along with him. After that we start our conversations asking him about how he felt? What happened? What made him angry or cry?…
Whenever I feel low, I ask my child (if he is around) can you give me a hug? My child asks me why? I say, I will feel good. He gives me a hug and then I say when mamma gets angry you just run to mamma and give a big tight hug. And when you get angry what should I do? My child says no hug just give me a kiss.
It’s working for us so far and the anxiety level is not stretched for more than a minute.
Trust me, this time shall pass too. So, try to be patient as much as possible.❤️
To read one of my honest motherhood confessions – https://mommyingaroundlife.wordpress.com/2020/05/10/mother-next-door/
To know more about me and my motherhood insights-
My Instagram page – https://www.instagram.com/mamma_mita/
Love❤️and Hugs🤗 Mamma_mita
#toddlertantrums #babiestantrums #mindfulness #parenting #motherhood #motherhood #lifeofamom #childsfeelings #behavior #choicesovertantrums #mindfulnessovertantrums #hugs #love #patience